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Why you shouldn’t try to convince people to believe in you
I’ve been a writer for a long time. I started by self publishing, which for anyone who has ever self published knows, it requires tremendous staying power to get one book all the way to published. I used to talk about what I was going to do with each book that I was working on.
I thought that because I had published one, all my friends knew that I would do whatever it was I said I was going to do! I thought I had proven myself to be a doer and not just a talker. Now days, time and time again when I do get a book published, or tell someone that I have a book under contract, I get story after story of the book they are working on, or have been thinking about and working on every now and again over the years.
That book sadly will never see the light of day simply because it is not their real goal and they are not willing to put in the work. Or on the other side, I have friends who I know and absolutely love who have been working on their same one book for so many years only to wind up chasing their tail in the quest for perfection.
That book equally will not end up seeing the light of day because they are over achievers but can’t trust in the process that their dream has been achieved and they deserve the pay off of having the book show up on their doorstep in full form.
As for me, I started going to large book conventions and pushing those books. A few years later, two of my books were combined and picked up by a small publisher. I self published seven books before my first contract with a professional publisher came about.
I finally achieved my first dream of being able to walk into an actual bookstore-any bookstore- and find my book on the shelves. That was so exciting! Now that I had stepped up into the publishing world beyond doing everything myself, I knew there was more to come. I have a long way to go and a lot to get accomplished in this life and I do not like to waste time just thinking about it or talking about it.
Moving beyond dreaming and talking took years of keeping my nose to the grind and working at it. Here is the most important thing I can tell you about moving beyond trying to convince people that you will reach any goal: it is an energy stall cycle that you can so easily get stuck in trying to prove to people that you have what it takes to reach your goals.
When I was working on my very first book my mom walked by and asked me what I was doing on the computer all day long. I told her I was going to write a book. Her response was “oh, yeah…right.” All I could think was two things:
- Watch Me.
- Why do you think that the only people who get to live extraordinary lives are other people?
If you have major goals that you are trying to reach, keep them down deep and only trust the closest people to you that will only lift you up and support your dreams. Do not talk about it regularly to just anybody. It takes away from the energy you are trying to build up to support the actual goal itself. And the obvious part of this…don’t just think about your goals…get moving into them. Go get your hands dirty.
Your goals must be precise and you must really have a good grasp on what it is that you want and what you are willing to do in order to accomplish them. Wasting the energy talking about it too much will only pull you away from the goal. In order to achieve any goal you set for yourself you have to create a new relationship between yourself and that goal.
You and your goal are the only ones in that relationship. You have to focus and give your undivided attention to your goal. You do not have time or energy to be wasting in trivial conversations over it. Keep those conversations to people that can help you get to the target and only trust the ones that can help you hit the bullseye. I’m serious when I offer this guidance.
A goal becomes its own energy in your life and you have to pursue it with relentless passion and persistence. You need to constantly re-evaluate that goal over and over again to get it down to exactly what you want.
I have worked like crazy to pursue my dreams over the years, most of the time with my head down and not telling everybody that I’ve still been working on that contract or whatever idea. Last year I got an agent-after years of sending out agent requests. I used to send out 30 agent inquiries every Monday and have 30 no’s by Friday. I did that week after week.
Now after relentless effort and never taking my eye off the prize, I have a new book releasing with my publisher next month and another book under contract with the same publisher releasing Fall 2017. I have an agent who I love and who is completely on my team in chasing after my dreams.
I make time every single day to honor my passion and pursue my goals. I may not have a lot of time each day but each day I find time to do whatever I need to do to help those goals along. Those goals are nothing without my effort into them. I am what brings them alive.
Anything you set your mind to do, you can find a way to do it. I mean that. For absolutely anybody, if you really want it, you can find a way to make it real. It may take years of effort. It may take more no’s than you ever thought you could handle hearing.
By the time you reach any goal, you might be a different version of yourself. Be sure that your specific goal is still the one you want as you grow and change. But that goal, whatever it may be, is your goal and it is no one else’s and no one else can appreciate all the time you have spent dreaming and shaping it and reshaping it and reaching for it.
No one can fully appreciate what went into each of them, so do not try to make them. By the time it comes to fruition, it should look like it was easy.
Keep the energy between you and your goal. I know my dreams well. I know the little things I want to reach and I know the huge things I want to hit in my life. I know the way that each of my goals build on top of the last one to help me get there. I know who I am and what I want to do with my life and none of it at this point is just a pipe dream. It is all currently in action. That is so liberating to know that I never gave up and now I get to enjoy that part of myself. If I waste my time trying to tell anyone else about it, or convince them of what I want to do, it takes away from what I’m actually doing. At this point, I would rather invite them to the party or grand opening once it’s finished and ready to be seen!
Here are some tips to help you keep on track:
- Your goals are yours ~ don’t give them away.
- The energy between you and your goal needs to stay strong. Do not water it down by wasting your time convincing anyone you are for real.
- Honor the destination of what your goals look like, and will look like when you reach them.
- Evaluate, and re-evaluate often your goals and do not ask for input from anyone into them unless they are already successful in the same field.
- You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone other than yourself. The rest will take care of itself.
- Talking to other people about your goals may become their goals and they may wind up taking on your dreams as their own. My excitement too many times gets people to think they want to do this too. Now I keep it better concealed until the contract is signed.
- It is my experience that in trying to convince anyone you will reach your goals is really just you trying to convince yourself out loud. Keep it tighter than that. Share those things with God instead.
- Trust in yourself that you have what it takes to do whatever it is that you want to do. Trust in your abilities. Know that there is an avenue for everyone somewhere and it is up to you to find your own way.
- Do not think that favors and friends will get you to your goals. You will get there because you never gave up.
- Lastly, you have to trust yourself in all of this. Do you have what it takes? Do you trust in yourself to get it done? If you really do trust in yourself to get it done…you don’t have the time or the desire to convince anyone else what you are doing…because you will be too busy doing it.
“People Who Say It Cannot Be Done Should Not Interrupt Those Who Are Doing It” ~Chinese Proverb