Search for more Everyday Power
Rejection is painful. Whether it comes from a potential spouse, a potential employer, or your boss who you were trying to sell a proposition to, rejection has the power to take away your high spirits and happiness.
What’s even worse is when rejection comes from the people who you hold dearest to you. However, unfortunately, rejection can come from anyone, even our families. As much as we’d like to think that people who truly love us wouldn’t reject us, it happens and hurts us in ways we can’t imagine.
Overcoming rejection can be difficult when you feel too dejected to do anything. This article aims to motivate you to snap out of that low-spiritedness you might be feeling and act in a way that heals your heart so you can move forward.
Figure out what caused the problem
For children who feel like they have been rejected all their lives, it’s important to figure out what caused the problem. Perhaps, it has to do with something that happened when they were too young to know what went on. By noticing someone’s words and actions, you might be able to figure out where the problem lies.
Once you know what the problem is or always has been, you can find ways to deal with it constructively before you move on to other solutions.
For instance, a child could have always been rejected by his father because his mother had passed away during child birth. The father may have always held the child responsible for what happened and found it as a way to deal with his sorrow. Once the child realizes this, he could take steps to grow closer to the one and only parent he has left and make him realize that a misfortune was also met with a blessing (a new familial relationship).
Talk it out
Perhaps, you already know what went wrong and you feel like your viewpoint needs to be shared. In this case, the easiest way to deal with the issue is to talk it out. Sit with the one who has been rejecting you and (nicely) discuss what seems to be the root of the problem. If you feel guilty for something, apologize humbly. Don’t be afraid to cry, because it will release your stress and allow you to open up. This calm and composed approach will likely result in that person reacting in the same way: apologizing and talking it out is a mature way.
Give it some time
Sometimes, emotional levels (such as anger, frustration, and resentment) are so high that it is better not to discuss anything until things have mellowed down a bit. In this scenario it’s best to do what they say: “let the pain heal with time”. If the rejection period is really tough, you might have to move out and stay over at the relative’s, neighbors, or friend’s house before things can be sorted out. If your family truly cares for you despite your choices or mistakes, they will come around eventually and invite you to their house again to make things better.
Find a way to compromise
Very often, rejection can be a result of decision or choice you’re making that your family doesn’t particularly approve of. For example, you could be thinking about getting a degree in business, but your parents might want you to follow family tradition and get a degree in law. If there’s a way you could settle the opposing aspirations, go for it! For example, you could opt for a degree in Business Law.
Seek a family counselor
There’s no harm in involving a third party, particularly someone who would not see the problem in a biased way. An arbitrator could level out both points of view and present possible resolutions. If you’re not comfortable with a family counselor, you may try and involve a trustworthy relative who can try to make things work out.
This is going to be the hardest decision to make, and one that needs considerable thought and contemplation before it is reached. Sometimes, your choices in life can completely set you apart from what your family. For example, you may choose to adopt another religion or live in a way that your family completely disapproves of.
If time, talks, counseling and everything else has been tried and a consensus can’t be reached, you may have to think about moving out and only visiting them until they are ready to do so. Sometimes, this is the only way to avoid further dispute, aggression, and negative feelings being boiled up in the family.
Finally, remember that the key to a happy life is always being happy with your own self, regardless of what others may think—even your family! If you think you are right, cheer up and live your life. Avoid those who don’t care about your happiness!