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First off, you should know that I got married in both my 20s and 30s. That’s why I want to warn every young woman I see who is desperately trying to get her boyfriend to propose —your 20s aren’t (usually) the time to get married.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not necessarily against women becoming wives in their 20s. Every relationship is different, and some women are fully capable of doing their part to contribute to a fulfilling and lasting marriage while they’re young.
What I do know from experience, however, is that marriage is often better when you wait to get married in your 30s.
I’m 34, and currently in my second marriage. My divorce went something like this:
- I met my future ex-husband when I was 25.
- We got engaged when I was 26.
- We got married when I was 27.
- I got “ditched” when I was 28.
When I look back on it, I’m actually glad that I got a divorce while I was still in my 20s. It means that I was courageous. I was brave enough to leave a broken marriage, pick up the pieces of my life, and start all over, even at a time when all of my friends were either getting married or having children.
Get Married In Your 30s: Why Wait?
I could have stayed in my unhappy marriage to keep up appearances. I could have kept sleeping next to my husband every night—even though he didn’t want to be my husband anymore. I could have settled, knowing that I’d never have the happy marriage I’d dreamed about.
But instead, I chose to be bold enough to actually live out my dreams. That’s why I’m grateful that my marriage didn’t work out. I often call this time in my life a learning experience. It led me to a marriage that’s exactly what I needed.
Now, I’m also a mother, and I have an appreciation for my family that I wouldn’t possess otherwise.
I also made it a point to get together with other individuals my age who had gone through divorce. Connecting with them as much as possible, either in person or online, gave us all a little more peace of mind and confirmed that we weren’t alone in our experiences.
When my first marriage ended, I made a list of the characteristics I wanted in a new spouse. I was fortunate enough to meet someone who had all these qualities. When I was 32, I married my second husband. I can say with certainty that the dress I wore for our nuptials will be preserved.
To get married in your 30s is way better overall than getting hitched in your 20s. Now that I’ve truly found the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, I can’t imagine going through the same joys, challenges, and triumphs with my ex-husband. Marriage is truly a beautiful thing when you’ve found the right mate.
There are also other perks if you want to get married in your 30s:
- You’ve already “sown your wild oats”.
- You’ve been in a few relationships, so you know what’s out there, and you’ve gotten your affinity for “bad boys” out of your system.
- You’ve had a few years to heal from your first serious heartbreak.
According to my research, most women get married because they think they’ll never find someone as great as their first love. So, they settle for the next decent man who comes along.
Your 20s are a very selfish time.
When you’re in your 20s, you’re defining who you are. By the time you reach your 30s, you usually have a clearer vision of WHO you are and WHAT you’re able to bring to a marriage. At this stage in your life, you and your partner can better share experiences without fear.
You’re a better communicator in your 30s than you were in your 20s.
Instead of arguing over trivial things or being passive-aggressive, you know how to talk to your partner in a way that will resolve the issue.
You’re clear on what you want.
It’s highly likely that you won’t waste time dating someone in your 30s when you know it’s not going anywhere. The person you choose to marry will be someone with whom you have a great chance of a successful future.
Your confidence is comparatively established.
You know how to bring out the best in yourself, and this makes your marriage better.
You’ve (hopefully) learned how to manage your finances.
Money can be a definite sore spot in marriage, and is a typical reason for divorce among many young couples. You certainly don’t want to spend time fighting over money when you can learn how to manage your finances successfully early on. In your 30s, you would have hopefully understood how important this is.
You’re secure in your career to a degree.
When your career is intact, you’ve got the energy and time to focus on nurturing your relationships.
You’ve tried living alone at least once.
If you wait to get married in your 30s, you’ve had time to get to know yourself. You’ve learned how to become a responsible and well-adjusted adult so you’re not learning this while navigating your marriage.
You’ve found your own voice.
When you’re in your 20s, you usually get pressured by family, friends, and society in general to follow the status quo. By the time you hit your 30s, you are strong enough to stand up for yourself. This will lead you to find the person who has also found his own voice and is ready to spend his life with you.
These are just some of the reasons why it’s a healthier experience to get married in your 30s. Do the necessary self-work so that you can truly experience all the beautiful things that marriage has to offer when it’s time to walk down the aisle.