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Are you making your life harder than it needs to be?
1.) You Try To Make Everyone Happy
Keeping other people’s feelings in mind is a positive quality, but bending over backwards to put others’ happiness above your own is exhausting and impossible. Whether it’s deciding what to serve at your dinner party, where to get married or what career path you head down, there will always be someone who will not be pleased.
It’s hard to let someone down, and natural to avoid conflict, but placing too much focus on making everyone else happy comes at the cost of your own. Think of it like the airplane instructions of putting your oxygen mask on first before assisting someone else. If your priorities aren’t taken care of, you aren’t in the optimal position to do anything productive.
For example, if you choose the college major your parents are pushing for over what your passion is, your college experience will be a let down. You won’t be excited about your classes, and most likely not do as well as you could. When you graduate you’re all set..for a career path you don’t want to be on.
Instead, ask yourself if this decision affects you, or for the other person/people the most. If you’re planning your birthday dinner, your opinion is what matters, but if you’re planning your parents’ anniversary party, they are the focus and bear the opinions that should hold weight.
2.) You Worry About What Others Think
On some level, you’re always going to worry about what others think. Hey, it’s embarrassing to trip in public no matter how comfortable you are being you! But when the worry over what someone thinks of you, limits you from from living as your authentic self, life is not going to be easy.
I am a homebody. I like going out, and love planning theme nights with friends, but I have many introvert tendencies and am perfectly happy spending a weekend night at home with a show and a book. Years ago I did worry what I “should” want to do. What would my friends think when I declined a night out in favor of sweatpants and a chick flick? I’m young, I should
Years ago I did worry what I “should” want to do. What would my friends think when I declined a night out in favor of sweatpants and a chick flick? I’m young, I should want to go to a club! Sometimes I would suck it up and go, only to have a “meh” time and need time to myself the next day to recharge. Maybe it’s growing up, but I have completely stopped caring what people think of my choices.
If your heart knows what it wants and you don’t follow through because someone might think it’s silly, your life will be unfulfilled. Stay strong in your decisions and be your biggest advocate. The next time you find yourself preoccupied with what others think, ask yourself, “what’s the worst that will happen?” Will you lose friendships if you opt out of a night on the town? I highly doubt it. Will someone laugh at you when you try the weight room for the first time? I have never seen this happen. The more often you push past the uncomfortable feeling that others are judging you, the easier it gets to stay true to yourself.
Will you lose friendships if you opt out of a night on the town? I highly doubt it. Will someone laugh at you when you try the weight room for the first time? I have never seen this happen. The more often you push past the uncomfortable feeling that others are judging you, the easier it gets to stay true to yourself.
3.) You Accept Only Perfection
“Imperfect action beats perfect inaction every time.” – Harry Truman
How many projects have you left undone because it wasn’t coming out exactly like you pictured? How many things have you not attempted because you don’t feel you’d excel?
I see this all the time with my clients in their exercise habits. They want to get an hour workout in, but the day gets in the way and they can only get in 20 minutes so they don’t do anything. Let me tell you, a 20 minute workout is 100% more effective than NO workout!
Waiting for perfection; the perfect time, the perfect opportunity, the perfect conditions, will never produce results and causes unnecessary pressure on yourself.
It’s one thing to hold yourself to high standards, but punishing yourself for not being perfect directly affects your self-confidence and is an impossible threshold to maintain.
Try focusing on doing the best you can do at the time. Practice truly does make perfect, but you won’t reach perfection if you don’t put in the practice time.
4.) You Do Everything On Your Own
It’s empowering to figure things out on your own, to have a hand in every aspect of a project, but it makes for a tough time.
Learning how to delegate will give you ownership of your time. Effectively delegating isn’t pushing off work onto someone else. It’s recognizing your strengths and the strengths of those around you, leveraging everyone’s time and skills competently.
Learning from mentors is another way to avoid this common pitfall. When I first started my business, I had the fundamental knowledge of coaching, but I lacked business and marketing experience. So I went on Linked In and messaged a few female coaches in Chicago. I met for coffee and asked questions about starting out and any advice they were willing to share.
Don’t waste time and energy reinventing the wheel. Ask for help, learn from those around you and make real strides in less time.
5.) You Hold On To Anger
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” – Buddha
Being angry take effort, and holding on to grudges is incredibly taxing on your mental and physical state.
“Unresolved anger issues lead to anxiety, which can have long-term effects on your life…Long-term anxiety can pose dangerous risks to your physical and emotional states. Individuals who suffer from long bouts of anxiety can be at a greater risk for strokes. Serious memory loss, chronic sleep disorders and relationship issues can also develop.” –Psychguides.com
It’s OK to get angry, it’s a natural emotion and when handled correctly is a sign of emotional health. However, when everyday occurrences set you off or you find yourself dwelling on past discretions, it’s time to let go.
Allow yourself to be angry, but recognize what’s done is done and move on. Try learning something positive from whatever has made you upset – a friend is always late? Tell them events start 20 minutes before they really do – and close the door.
Despite how we sometimes feel, life doesn’t have to be as hard as we make it. It is – however – short. So make it work for you and focus on having the best experience you possibly can.