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Editor’s Note: UPDATED as of October 22, 2016 for relevance and accuracy.
We’ve all had it happen to us at one point in our lives.
Someone we care about has broken our trust or deceived us. It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend, someone you’re dating, or a loved one. It could be as small as not showing up when you agreed to meet or saying one thing and doing another. Or it could be something more serious like taking money from you or cheating on you.
When someone we care about breaks our trust, it hurts. Plain and simple. If the person acknowledges the fact they broke our trust and asks for forgiveness, most of us are willing to offer it. Depending on the issue, of course, most people deserve an opportunity for redemption.
However, what do you do when the same person breaks your trust over and over? Since trust is an essential part of any healthy relationship, it’s important to know when to break off the relationship.
We’ve got five tips to help you know when to call it quits when trusting someone:
1) Listen To Your Instincts
Do you have a feeling in your gut that something isn’t right? Your instinct understands and interprets your past experiences and wisdom – so don’t ignore it. If you feel like you’re being deceived again, chances are, you’re probably right. It’s not easy trusting someone again. When the time is right, find the truth and don’t be fooled again.
2) You’re Used to Weak or Absent Apologies
If deception has happened so many times that the apologies are pitifully weak or there’s no apology at all, it’s time to kick the person and the behavior to the curb. It also means it’s happened too many times for them to care how YOU feel. They don’t feel like they need your forgiveness. So do you really need them? The answer is no. No one should be treated with such a lack of respect.
3) You’re Full of Excuses
When you find yourself fibbing or exaggerating to cover up for this person’s behavior, it’s time to call it quits. Do you find that you have a reason for why this person is late or never shows up? Do you blame it on their job or bad influence friends? Or do you feel a need to explain their tough childhood or previous relationship woes? Whatever the multitude of excuses are, breaking up may be hard to do, but so is trusting someone and their bad behavior.
4) Listen to Your Friends
Sometimes our friends see things we don’t see ourselves. When they start making comments about the unreliable person in your life, they’re probably spot on. Good friends want what’s best for you and aren’t going to say something if they don’t believe what they’re saying is true. Oh sure, you may feel angry at first. But down deep, you know they’re right. When it gets to this stage, it’s time to cut your losses and stop trusting someone your friends can’t trust either.
5) It’s Time for an Integrity Check
When you’ve been treated badly by a deceptive friend or loved one so many times that you no longer feel it’s wrong, then it’s time for an integrity check! Remember your values and integrity and be a bigger person: someone who can walk away from being treated badly by someone who’s supposed to care about you and you well-being.
When you don’t recognize yourself anymore and who you have become because of this person, remember these boots are made for walking! Learn when to stop trusting someone who keeps breaking your trust.