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We all want to succeed in life.
And for most of us, getting ahead equals success. Having a focus on the prize is useful and sometimes drives us to let our ambition take us to places we might not choose to go or be. We can become stressed, get discouraged and say and do things we might not like, all just to get ahead.
We all need the help of others if we are going to succeed. The only way we can do this is by understanding them: what they are good at, how their strengths support our weaknesses, how we can learn from their experiences to create new possibilities etc.
NO one person can do everything.
So choosing to go at it alone can result in isolation, misunderstandings, and conflict. Regardless of where you are at, if you want to get ahead, here are five things to avoid so you can be your most successful self.
Top 5 Things To Avoid Doing If You Want To Get Ahead
1) Tell Others What To Do.
We all want to be experts in our lives and with that come the thrill of telling others what to do and how to do it. We think and feel that “the best way” helps and solves a problem, making it easier to just tell how to get things done. Think about it, how do you like it when others tell you what to do?
Research is showing that when leaders go into a conversation thinking that they know the answer, or have the “right” answer, their brains shut down. They no longer listen to others or are open to learning about new perspectives. This narrows our learning, discoveries, opportunities and possibilities to get ahead.
Telling also doesn’t support learning. So when we tell someone what to do, they may do it right then, but chances are, they are they are going to continue to come back to you with the same issue. How effective is that?
Telling can also bring blaming and shaming. What we tell implies that the person being told could not figure out what to do. This causes conflict and makes it incredibly challenging to build trust.
Like with anything, there is a time and a place foretelling. It is extremely useful when there is an emergency. In such a situation there is an expectation that one person will become the directive leader and tell everyone what to do. Otherwise, telling is extremely limiting and unproductive.
Tip: When you feel the need to tell, pause, and ask an open question instead (e.g. what do you think needs to be done? How do you want to complete this?). Asking open questions helps in learning and entrusts the other person to handle matters without being told.
It also tests our assumptions (more on that below), and allows us to learn from others. This is how we collaborate and innovate. It opens up our opportunities and possibilities that otherwise wouldn’t be available to us.
Hint: Put ‘what’ or ‘how’ in front of whatever you want to say. This is the fastest and easiest way to shift from telling to asking. This helps you understand how other persons learn and think for themselves.
2) Judge Others.
Sadly, we live in a very judgmental world.
It’s easy for any of us to notice someone say or do something and we automatically judge them for it. Thoughts such as ‘I can’t believe she would say that’ OR ‘how can he think that would work?’ all limit our thinking, narrow our options, and create the belief we know best, or have the right solution.
Everyone has their own perspective, their own opinion on anything. When we judge them, we are sending them the message that we know better. This diminishes their sense of worth and makes them feel we think they are less worthy, less intelligent. Again, this creates friction, conflict, and limits your ability to build trust with others.
Tip: When you find yourself judging others, or wanting to judge others just to get ahead, pause and get curious. Turn down the voices in your head and be open with others by actively listening and understanding their perspectives and ideas. Everyone has something to offer, which contributes to the success of everyone else.
This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, or even like what they have to say. It means judging is one of the things to avoid through being open.
3) Be Closed To New Ideas
We have all heard the ‘ya but’ in our head as we listen to someone else share an idea, an idea that may seem counter intuitive to us. Perhaps the idea challenges a belief we have had for years, one that may no longer serve us if we want to get ahead.
Albert Einstein once said:
“We can’t solve problems using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
Well, it seems to ring true. When we stay stuck in our old beliefs, trying to use the same thought process to create new solutions, we fail.
Staying open to new ideas, especially ones that challenge old beliefs, allow us to look at things with a new lens. Collaborating with others, being open and curious to ideas of others – regardless of how you feel about them – leads to the innovation that supports our success.
Ever heard the expression “assumptions make an ass out of you and me”? Based on our experience, when people assume anything, they are almost always 99.99 percent WRONG.
Assumptions keep us from gaining clarity around any issue. When in a conversation or meeting multiple people, it is important to remember that each person in the conversation is hearing it from their own perspectives, processing it through their own experience and outlook.
When assumptions are not tested, it can lead to confusion, frustration, and misinterpretation, which cause friction and can be extremely unproductive.
Tip: Testing assumptions helps us gain clarity where everyone can be on the same page. The fastest and easiest way to do this is by asking open curious questions, those that begin with who, what, where, when, and how.
Curiosity comes with active listening and being open/non-judging. This helps us deeply understand what is going on. This supports us in achieving the clarity needed to move forward in a way that will enhance productivity and eliminate unnecessary errors. Success!
In our overscheduled, hyper-connected worlds, more is being asked of people than ever before. The “need to multitask” comes to many: doing more than one thing at once to get ahead.
We think we are being more productive when in fact, we aren’t.
Research is now showing that multitasking doesn’t work. Multitasking makes us commit more mistakes and disconnects us with others, instead of increasing productivity. We can’t do two or more things effectively at the same time.
Don’t believe us? Try reading a menu and having a conversation at the same time – you won’t be able to do either one effectively!
When we multitask, we are never fully present in any one thing. This makes it easy to miss things and make mistakes. We aren’t ever giving any one thing our full attention. It can also be very dangerous.
Take texting and walking or texting and driving, for example. In both cases, you are never fully present and aware of your surroundings, putting yourself and others in danger as you shift focus from text to road and vice versa. Let’s face it, nothing is that important to put yourself, and others, in danger.
When we multitask, we miss out on A LOT in life.
Whether it is a meal with a friend or colleague, a casual conversation, or walking from place to place, our focus is rarely on each other, or our surroundings. Relationships and reflection are essential to our success. And we can’t do either effectively when focusing on something else.
Tip: Focus on finishing one task before beginning another.
For example: when you are completing a task and find yourself interrupted by another, you can either stop what you are doing and give your full attention to the other task, OR schedule it to a more convenient time. Giving people your undivided attention conveys respect and a desire to fully connect with them. This builds trust and creates the relationships needed to succeed.
We all want to be our most successful selves in life. Curiosity is your most powerful tool. It will support you in keeping these things in check, so you can successfully achieve what you want most – and get ahead.