Relationships are a very tricky thing.
As part of our human nature, we are curious about discovering new things, especially if the heart is involved. The excitement of a new relationship makes the hours when you’re apart longer and the time that you’re together fly by. It’s magical and something that can’t really be explained to anyone that’s not directly involved.
If you can remember the very first time you met the person that you are with now, you can probably recall the excitement of the date, the intrigue of not knowing how the night would end, or learning new things about the person that you are with. If you just started a relationship with someone special, then you know what I’m talking about right away.
Regardless, there is NO reason why that excitement can’t be as fresh and as intriguing as the day you met your significant other.
Life is all about the relationships we make. A romantic relationship has the power to bring magic back into our lives and fuel the fire that we need in order to topple the grandest of mountains. Sometimes, the connection is so strong, that it becomes almost painful to be a part from this person; they seem to always be on our minds and it feels as if life is unlivable without them.
Relationships are tricky, but they don’t have to. In a world where it seems like more relationships end than strive, it’s important to point out that everything in life evolves on some level or another especially a relationship. I’ve been with my wife for about 16 years and have built a family of 3 kids and 3 dogs with her. I can safely say that it is as awesome today, as it was the day that we first met.
Now this isn’t without its stumbles. Everything is a work in progress, and if you can remember what brought you together in the first place, you’ll be able to go forward together.
Here are 5 things I’ve learned along the way that not only do I apply in my daily life, but I also suggest to all of my clients that seek similar advice.
How To Keep a Relationship Awesome
1) Never Assume
To assume that the other person knows what you’re thinking, or knows what you want them to do, is folly and pretty dumb. Even after 15 years or 5 months, a person will NEVER truly know everything about you.
Assuming is a form of miscommunication and usually ends up in an argument of some sort. It’s not to say that we can’t grow to understand the person that we are with, but there’s always going to be parts of the other person that will remain exclusive to them.
This is why communication, much like at the very beginning of the relationship, is important. Communication is key to all relationships in life, whether they are of a romantic inclination or any other.
By assuming, we are placing indirect pressure on us and on the other person. We assume that they are thinking one thing or going to do something without asking them. Without communication, an assumption is a deal breaker that can and will usually blow up in our faces.
2) Expectation Is a Deal Breaker
Expectation is another big one. When we expect, not only are we putting pressure on the expectation itself, but we’re putting pressure on the person to perform the expectation.
If your significant other always comes in with flowers on Friday afternoons, don’t expect them to do this all the time. In fact, appreciate it and don’t take for granted. For the most part, appreciation for an act goes along way. However, as humans we tend to get use to stuff and we inadvertently expect these things to continue to be there.
Depending on the person, they will come through with the expectation OR simply not do it out of spite or perhaps another reason altogether. Fact is, the person expecting begins to harbor resentment on an unconscious level once the expectation fails to appear.
Ultimately, this resentment builds up and begins to come out in various forms. Thus, ruining the relationship! Never expect and appreciate things as they come; it’s how to keep a relationship exciting.
3) The Game Is Never Over
We would like to think that when we are finally in a relationship, that the games we played at the beginning are over. But they’re not! Many people become comfortable and let themselves go – not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. The trick here is to keep the game going, keep the mysteries and excitement going.
Surprise and curiosity always intrigue humans on a level that brings us back into a playful and not so stressed out existence. This is how to keep a relationship fresh and exciting. There is always something new to learn. It’s important to understand that we are born playing games and unconsciously, we enjoy them.
Adulthood has a nasty way of taking these games away from us. But nothing keeps us as interested in something as participating in a game. A relationship is a game and a very good one at that. I mean, once we stop playing, what are we really doing? Games keep us playful, engaged, and interested.
4) Being Wrong Is Good
BUILD A BRIDGE because being WRONG is GOOD. There is nothing worse than being right all the time or thinking that you are right all the time.
First off, it’s boring. Secondly, our imperfections are what makes us perfect. This is part of life. When we come together with someone else, we have to build a bridge from one person to another. We are in the process of fusing likes and dislikes, experiences, emotions, and everything else that happens when we meet someone.
For the most part, we meet in the middle and begin to learn from one another. A special type of growth takes place there, which is what makes being with someone else fun and exciting. This is how to keep a relationship in its most practical form. Don’t try to change what is unchangeable. But rather, build from there and help each other grow.
If you wanted to be alone, you would have stayed alone. Embrace what you are building together by meeting in the middle. Learn to be wrong together and accept what was there from the beginning by growing together in all ways.
5) Follow Your Heart
Last but definitely not least, FOLLOW YOUR HEART. In all relationships and in all walks of life, there are pre-disposed paths that are laid out before us. A relationship is organic. To think that it is suppose to go or be a certain way is yet another BIG misunderstanding that we must face in order to move forward.
There are plenty of pretty pictures that serve as frameworks or models to follow within our lives. However, those models like the one with that depicts the perfect couple in a house, with a white picket fence with a kid and a dog, is just an idea. That model may have worked for some, but it’s impossible to say it’ll work for you.
Build your own road going forward based on your interests and the interests of the person you are with. This makes for a happier and unique experience. There is no handbook on how to live life and none for how to handle a relationship properly. You have to FOLLOW YOUR HEART.
Your heart brought you to the relationship in the first place and will guide you through it moving forward. This is essential because without it, you’ll be lost. Remember your purpose and don’t lose it within the relationship; your partner will thank you for it on the long run. Your fire will fuel your partner’s and it’s important to keep each other inspired. This is how to keep a relationship awesome.
Life is a curious and beautiful thing. Sharing this experience with someone else makes it that much more special.
Hope this helps and ‘till next time.
Professor Robert J. Escandon MA. C.Ht.
Work: The Sword, the Armor and the Shield: A book that explores the male archetype. Out now on Amazon.