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Self Improvement

How To Stop Endlessly Replaying The Mistakes You Made



7 Eye Opening Truths You Will Learn On Your Journey to Personal Development

How many times did you go over in your mind that evening last week when you were out with the office team and you were telling them about the time you pulled a fast one on the lot from downstairs… only they didn’t think it was funny at all?

How often do you think about your mistakes?

Or the time when you’d organized a romantic evening with your partner to celebrate your first anniversary and you got distracted by your boss to talk about the new marketing initiative and you just didn’t dare refuse… so you missed the train and left her standing in the rain?


Or back when you were ten and invited to that birthday party and you turned up in completely the wrong gear – all smart, but somehow you’d missed hearing the bit about going for a party in the adventure playground?


To what end do we turn things over in our mind, again and again and again?


To what purpose those ceaseless and agonizing ‘what ifs?’


Three explanations


There is a good answer to that, and there is a not so good answer, and there is a completely irrational answer.


… good, well, sort of


The good(-ish) answer would be that we want to learn how we might approach a similar situation in the future and get a more successful outcome.  There is some logic in this, so long as we remember that we can never step in the same river twice.  Whatever similarities we may think we see in situations in the future, there will also always be differences.  In fact it’s fairly safe to say that there will be more differences than similarities, but it will look the other way round.  (The reason for this is that when we’re put on the spot we always cast around for what we can recognize because it’s human nature to go for security first.)  So similarities there may be, but beware that the comfort factor isn’t illusory: pull back the veil of likeness and you will usually find a host of mismatches.


… not so good, really


The not so good answer is that we have to keep on telling ourselves what a mess we made, either because we deserve to be punished for being so stupid or careless or thoughtless or whatever, or because we need to make sure we don’t do it again.


My first response to this is that self-flagellation belongs to hair-shirt mediaeval monks and doesn’t really have a place in the modern world.  Apart from that, there is almost certainly a host of people around willing and eager to have a go at you, so why sleep with the enemy?  Give yourself a break.


My second response is equally unsparing.  If you’re going to spend all this time reminding yourself about the many ways you could mess up – have messed up – so that you don’t make the same mess the next time around, you probably won’t even see the next time coming.


… are you a reasonable person?


The completely irrational answer is the delusion that we can make things better or put things right by dwelling on them.  You will deny it to yourself, I’m sure, because we all do, but somewhere deep down lurks the hope that if you go over past failings and embarrassments often enough you will be able to re-write the plot and come out ok.


Change history in other words.




Who do you think you are?


There is  an approach to therapy which requires the client to find the three most important questions which apply to them.  In the process of finding the questions, the ground miraculously shifts and they find that the questions no longer appear as questions, but have become answers.


Same here.  The answer lies in a question.  Who do you think you are?


Right now there is only one person that we can be, each of us.  That sounds obvious, but it is as subtle as it is obvious.


It is obvious insofar as there is no-one else we can be other than the person we are.  True, we can take ourselves into a fantasy world, create an avatar and inhabit a virtual existence on a computer platform and interact with other virtual people.  Or we can watch a film and project ourselves into the life of one of the characters, and then perhaps we might also be inhabiting the life we imagine for the star who is playing the part.  But in the real world, no.  We are who we are.


So who do we think we are?


We are the person who stands at the end of our story so far.  We are the sum of our genetics and our experiences through life to this point.  Some things have made us happy and some things have made us sad, but all things have had their place and played their part.  We have lived and we have learnt.  We can pull ourselves down or we can build ourselves up.  We can dislike ourselves or we can respect ourselves.  And it is our attitude to the person we have come to be which will largely determine whether in the next minute or day or week or year we feel hope, or despondency.


If we pull ourselves down, we are always looking backwards, always going over our faults and failures in our head.


If we build ourselves up we are projecting forward with the things we know we can do.


If we dislike ourselves, we are full of self-recrimination, always looking over our shoulder to a version of ourselves which embarrasses us or shames us.


If we respect ourselves, we are looking at the person who is going to go on from here, maybe not the ideal person we would like to be, but the person who has survived to this point… and sometimes just to have survived is miracle enough.


Memories are made of… what?


So what about memories?  We can’t erase them, that’s true.  But they aren’t history – that’s also true.  The further back they are, the more selective and the less accurate they are.  And all that churning and ruminating and chewing the cud you’re doing is not going to improve the accuracy.  You can’t enhance the resolution of an image by messing with the pixels, and if you’re going to start putting in extra pixels, well that’s simply guesswork.


We must allow our memories to be just part of the fabric – good or bad they need to be no more than glimpses of that firmament of experience which has created us the person we are.  There’s no-one else that can be us.  And there’s no other us that we can be.  So to want to be anyone else – from the mindfulness paradigm – is irrational.


Life is a journey, a path to be trod.  If we look back, we will surely trip.  If we sit brooding, we are getting in our own way.  But if we let our memories be no more than the mould from which this present cast was sculpted, then step by step, we can create tomorrow’s us.

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Self Improvement

Couple Entrepreneurs: How to Make It Happen With Your Partner



Partners entrepreneurs


Have you always dreamed of having success as an entrepreneur? Thoughts of working for yourself, doing things you’re passionate about, and not worrying about working for someone else may linger in your mind most of the time. If you’re married, there is a chance that your partner has some of the same goals, and that means the two of you could eventually become a pair of successful entrepreneurs who motivate one another, continually work hard, and reach all kinds of goals that will get you both further in life.


How to Make It Work


Although you may like the idea of becoming a successful entrepreneur while your partner does the same, it’s not uncommon to have some concerns about the situation. You may worry that you’re both going to take on too much and not have enough time for one another, but that isn’t always the case. It’s all about prioritizing work, setting a schedule, and being there to support one another through the ups and downs that will eventually occur.


Before working together to achieve goals, sit down and have a full conversation about the goals you’d like to achieve and the role you’ll each take on. Both of you will need to come to an agreement to keep work and the relationship separately while being respectful to one another. You can’t expect to have success with your partner if neither of you are respecting one another or collectively sharing ideas. You’ll need to focus on communication and compromising at times to make things work on a long-term basis.


Prime Examples of Successful Entrepreneur Couples


If you’re in need of motivation and encouragement because you’re not sure how to get your start in a specific industry with your partner, it may be best for you to learn a bit more about some of the successful entrepreneur couples out there. These couples work hard to achieve their goals and they support one another in various business ventures. They put forth the effort that is required of them to consistently achieve their goals.


Chris Sacca is a successful billionaire who once was fired from a job as a lawyer and then moved on to Google where had more opportunities to learn, invest, and become the success he is today. He is now the owner of a successful venture capital fund, known as Lowercase Capital. Although he’s had much success in his career, Chris Sacca’s wife, Crystal English Sacca, is a successful entrepreneur in her own right. She’s spent most of her career creating compelling and engaging commercials as well as digital advertisements for various companies. She’s worked for several of the most popular brands, including Sprint and HBO. In addition to these accomplishments, she works as an art director. While these two individuals aren’t doing the same things, they’re a married couple supporting one another while they each work hard to achieve their own personal goals.


In addition to Chris Sacca and his wife, Stewart and Lynda Resnick are another good example of a successful entrepreneur power couple. They currently have a net worth of 3.9 billion dollars. So, what is it that they’re selling? There is a good chance you’ve consumed at least one of the many products they own and distribute, such as Fiji Water or Halos oranges. The pair met when Lynda started her own ad agency and was assisting Stewart with a project for the business he was running at that time. Over time, they started working collectively together to invest and sell assorted products to the public, many of which are naturally good for human consumption.


Do What You Love and Respect One Another


There are plenty of entrepreneur couples out there. Some are just getting started while others have been in business for decades and continue to achieve a high level of success. Although you may be focused on figuring out your passion and what you want to do to get further in life while making a decent income, it’s important to understand that it’s possible for you to achieve the same level of success as some of these people who are earning millions of dollars each year. Most people don’t become a success overnight but figuring out what you want to do and how you’re going to make it happen is a great way to get started.


In addition to figuring out what you’d love to do for the rest of your life, you’ll need to remember to always respect your partner throughout the process. The thing about these successful couples is that they’re willing to provide support and guidance, they know how to communicate, and they believe in one another. If you don’t have respect, trust, and support in the relationship, it’s going to be difficult to have success as entrepreneurs together.


If you’ve always dreamed of running your own business with your partner by your side, it’s not a dream that is too farfetched. In fact, there are lots of successful couples that are working hard, reaching goals, and living the life they’ve always dreamed of having.

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Self Improvement

How Does Sleep Affect Your Mental Health?



Sleep and Mental Health

Sleep is our body’s repair mode. Our cells, tissues, muscles, and hormones are all replenished during the deepest phases of sleep. This ensures that we are operating at our best the next day.

Experts recommend about seven (7) hours of sleep a day for an average adult. This is keeps you mentally and physically focused. But what happens when you don’t get enough? Is there a link between sleep and our mental health?


The Link Between Sleep and Mood

Even someone who isn’t an expert on the subject can appreciate how active they feel after a good night’s sleep. In contrast, one can feel exhausted, irritated, and distracted after not getting enough the night before. That’s because sleep plays an important role in your mood and performance.

Researchers from the University of Pennsylvania conducted a study in which the subjects were restricted sleep to only 4.5 hours each night. After a week, the subjects reported greater levels of negative emotions and mental tiredness. Once they were allowed to sleep normally however, there was a sharp improvement in their mood.

Just as sleep impacts your mood, your present state of mind also has an equivalent effect on the quality of your sleep. If you’re anxious or stressed, your body will release hormones that force you to stay awake through the night, depriving you of much-needed rest. The result is a cycle of stress and lack of sleep.

Research suggests that around 15-20 percent of people who are dealing with insomnia (an inability to fall asleep) go on to develop serious mental depression. While research is still being conducted about the exact nature of the relationship between sleep and depression, there has been enough progress to indicate a strong correlation between the two.

People who suffer from insomnia are at a significantly greater risk to develop depression or anxiety. In fact, the onset of these conditions can be accurately predicted by studying the patient’s sleep patterns.


The Link Between Sleep and Learning

In addition to your mood, sleep also appears to impact your mind’s ability to learn. Three separate processes govern learning in your brain: acquisition, consolidation, and recall.

Acquisition entails receiving information and storing it in your neural circuitry. The second process, consolidation, strengthens the neural connections in your mind so that the memory is stored in an optimally useful form. Recall is when the brain accesses this stored memory when it is needed.

Poor sleep compromises all three of these processes. However, it is acquisition and recall that are most affected by sleep deprivation. Recent research has also demonstrated that a lack of sleep can reduce the brain’s ability to consolidate information it is presented with.

Students take note: inadequate sleep may negatively affect your chances of passing that exam. Indeed, you may even find yourself forgetting how to do simple tasks. If you’ve ever been involved in back-to-back all-nighters during exam week, you may already have experienced forgetting a solution to a simple problem – even after you’d done it half a dozen times!


Dealing with Sleep Problems To Improve Mental Health

If you’re experiencing emotional apathy, anxiety, depression, or irritability, one of the steps you can take before seeking a professional is to assess your sleep situation.

Treat sleep as a ritual. Similar to reading to a child before putting them to bed, a habit that helps one disconnect from gadgets and put their mind in a relaxed mood can go a long way towards ensuring a restful, wholesome, sleep experience.

Making time before going to bed is a good idea. Avoid exposure to bright lights (such as those emitted by computer screens and smartphones). Try not to consume caffeine or alcohol, as all of these can be detrimental to the quality of sleep (and may even prevent the onset of sleep completely).

Obviously, the way you’ve set up your bed (and your entire bedroom) will also play an important role in how well you’re able to sleep. For example, memory foam mattresses are often recommended for individuals who sleep in awkward postures that can cause back pain. For some good reviews, check out The Sleep Judge.

If you can’t get rid of thoughts buzzing around in your head, you may want to listen to some natural background sounds, such as rainfall or wind rushing through trees. This will ease your mind away from distractions, helping you drift off to sleep. If you get the recommended amount, see how replenished you feel the next day!


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